Tuesday, March 15, 2011
I work in a Drug and Alcohol Treatment Facility. I get to witness a lot of people going through withdrawal, making changes in their lives and trying to change their lives for the better. I also get to witness a lot of people relapse and return to their drug of choice. Before this happens, there is always warning signs that someone may relapse in the future.
I began to think about relapse as it pertains to me and my lifestyle.
This past week has been a very emotionally difficult one for me. My diet was all out of whack and I hardly exercised. Despite a decent weigh-in and loss on Friday, I continued the cycle of bad choices into the weekend. I ate out, skipped workouts, made excuses. "I've lost 15 lbs, I deserve nachos" is what I said to myself and to anyone with a question in their voice.
I spent what felt like days lying face down on my bed, unable to pry myself up and off to make it to the gym. I became depressed and felt stuck in a rut.
However, I noticed something about my behaviour this past week. My weight hit 203 lbs and I began to slack just like I always have in the past. I get so close to a great milestone and I falter. I relapsed- making excuses and bad choices and using my drug of choice again- food. I reverted to my old ways of eating whatever I wanted, not exercising and giving into cravings. I was me 6 months ago.
I am happy that I am now able to recognize my relapse. Before, I would have just continued on thinking that the 15 lbs would stay away no matter what I ate or did. I would ignore the scale because I know that it would say something that I wouldn't like. But today, I told myself that the past week was not consistent with the person I want to be. I stepped on the scale and confirmed that I didn't like what it said.
But, instead of just giving up and throwing it all out the window... I'm getting back on the wagon!