I work in a Drug and Alcohol Treatment Facility. I get to witness a lot of people going through withdrawal, making changes in their lives and trying to change their lives for the better. I also get to witness a lot of people relapse and return to their drug of choice. Before this happens, there is always warning signs that someone may relapse in the future.
I began to think about relapse as it pertains to me and my lifestyle.
This past week has been a very emotionally difficult one for me. My diet was all out of whack and I hardly exercised. Despite a decent weigh-in and loss on Friday, I continued the cycle of bad choices into the weekend. I ate out, skipped workouts, made excuses. "I've lost 15 lbs, I deserve nachos" is what I said to myself and to anyone with a question in their voice.
I spent what felt like days lying face down on my bed, unable to pry myself up and off to make it to the gym. I became depressed and felt stuck in a rut.
However, I noticed something about my behaviour this past week. My weight hit 203 lbs and I began to slack just like I always have in the past. I get so close to a great milestone and I falter. I relapsed- making excuses and bad choices and using my drug of choice again- food. I reverted to my old ways of eating whatever I wanted, not exercising and giving into cravings. I was me 6 months ago.
I am happy that I am now able to recognize my relapse. Before, I would have just continued on thinking that the 15 lbs would stay away no matter what I ate or did. I would ignore the scale because I know that it would say something that I wouldn't like. But today, I told myself that the past week was not consistent with the person I want to be. I stepped on the scale and confirmed that I didn't like what it said.
But, instead of just giving up and throwing it all out the window... I'm getting back on the wagon!
Hate to hear your are having such a crappy week and hope things look better soon. I worked in an a/d facility many moons ago, sad place, and I understand relapse, but I especially understand food relapse. I normally would have the "screw it I will just eat" mentality for not losing the past 3 weeks, but I am trying so hard to NOT do that this time. Just keep at it and don't give in. I took a big cry this morning after I weighed so you are not alone. And I stuck to my WW plan no cheating! Be strong, you can do it!
ReplyDeleteSorry about your bad weekend! Hope that everything gets better for you, and soon.
ReplyDeleteGreat job getting back on the wagon! It's one of the hardest things to do. You are very strong. :-)
Bad weeks are horrible, I've had one too.
ReplyDeleteYou do an amazing job ..helping people with addiction issues and I bet sometimes thats a hard day's work!. You have done really well to recognise the change in your behaviour AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, thats the really hard bit. Well done you, back on track and under 200 before you know it
Dawn