Do you ever have one of those days where nothing seems to go right? You try to stay positive or brush it off, but the terribleness of the day just lingers and by the time you enter your home you are nearly in tears from, what you think is, the worst day ever.
I had one of these days yesterday. Hence, no posts or comments for my fellow bloggers yesterday.
Yesterday didn't have some type of life altering event. No one died. I'm still healthy. No accidents or fires. It was just one of those days where I let my mind wander a bit too far and let little annoyances and inconveniences take hold of me as a result. I've been dealing with some personal issues inside myself that are not related to weight loss as well as issues with family/friends. I haven't come to any conclusions on how to deal with the situations that I am in and it is making me very upset in the last few days.
Then, to top it all off, I worked alone yesterday and it was so busy I almost could not handle it. It was go-go-go for hours and I couldn't even leave my station to pee or get water. The customers at my workplace are nasty things- that doesn't help the day go by fast either. Not to mention that I am trying to quit this job, but can't find a new one.
So, I was feeling down when I left and started on the 30 minute walk to the bus stop- an annoyance. No buses. I would have to wait for nearly 40 minutes for a bus to get semi-close to my destination- which was the gym. I kept hemming and hawwing about going to the gym since I felt so down. I wasn't sure if I was up for a run since I hadn't eaten since lunch time and wasn't sure if I would have the energy. I hopped on a bus that I had never taken before in hopes it would take me close and I could warm up (it was -15C) in the meantime. It took me about half way, then I walked another 10 minutes or more and waited for another bus. Finally got on the right one and got off at the gym.
I figured if I ran or if I just did some cardio, it would pull me out of my mood. I laced up and started on the treadmill for my 30 minute run. After a 5 minute warm up and then running for about 8 minutes, I got a side stitch that was very painful. I had to stop. I went on to walking on an incline and did some strength training. But, I was just not into it. I could tell. I left after about 50 minutes not feeling any better.
When I feel down, I usually eat something that is bad for me. I've been resisting the urge in the last few days, but yesterday was so terrible in my own mind. I ate pizza, some chips, and a Reese egg. Not that it made me feel any better, it just took my mind off the happenings of the day. Exercise didn't help. I had no one to talk to. But, of course, as always, food was there to soothe me.
Emotional eating- it is a HUGE issue for me. I've been doing better in the amounts of food I eat when I feel emotional. I've even cut down on the amount of times it happens. But, it still happens and that is what upsets me the most. If I want to be a healthy person, I need to figure out how to deal with my emotions in a healthy way.
Do I feel like I've failed? Not completely. I haven't failed because I have not yet succeeded. To me, success means letting go of these old destructive habits and forming new, healthy ones. Yesterday is a reminder that I am still new to this and that there is a long road ahead. I need to be more aware of my moods and find new coping mechanisms to replace food. In my mind I know all this, putting everything into action is the hard part.