Tuesday, August 28, 2012

In a low...

The past week has found me feeling very low and somewhat depressed. I think a big part of that feeling is how I let myself slip all the way back to where I was. Back to the 200s. I wasn't happy then and the food didn't make me happy either.

I'm feeling just... bleck! about myself. My clothes aren't fitting properly or I can't wear my newer clothes. I'm feeling self-concious when I go out or go to the gym.

I've been trying to pull myself out of this and get motivated, but I just haven't been able to.


On the brighter side, I have been keeping up with my routine of gym 2x per week, walking to work 3x per week. My calories have been pretty good on at least 80% of days. I make lunches to take to work and haven't been eating out that often.

I went kayaking last week and plan to go again this week. We go for an hour and it takes quite a bit of core strength to steer and paddle. It is super fun and I suggest you try it out if you have access!

How do you beat a low mood?

Friday, August 17, 2012

First Official Weigh-In

I bought a new scale this week. As I mentioned I lost mine in the move that I recently had.

Since January, I had stopped weighing myself. I could see the slow steady climb and just wanted to ignore it. Be oblivious to how I was sabotaging all that hard work I did last year. There were tell-tale signs that I was gaining. Pants getting tight. Bras bulging. More difficulty getting up the 4 flights of stairs to my apartment. Foot pain from plantar fasciitis.Even my doctor noticed!

I knew I was getting up there, so I returned to the gym one evening to work out. I decided to use the scale there. I don't usually weigh myself at night, but I had the opportunity.

I DID NOT like what I saw. The scale jumped to about 230 lbs. I was so disappointed in myself. All that hard work. I really let things get to me and forgot to care about myself.

I have learned something about myself in this ordeal. I cannot NOT weigh myself. I need to keep myself in check. Just because I know I have gained doesn't mean I can stop being accountable for myself. When I gain, I need to get on that scale and check-in with myself and take responsibility.

So... now that I have a scale, I feel I can record an accurate weight.

Start Weight: 220.2
That's a gain of 37.2 lbs.

Not as bad as originally thought, but in no way am I proud of it.

Here we go again guys!

Monday, August 13, 2012

My less than triumphant return...

Well, I bet you thought you'd never hear from me again. Believe me. I thought about just disappearing into the darkness. But something has really made me want to get back to writing about this crazy life of gain and loss.

That's right... I said GAIN.

My last weigh-in on this blog was around 188 lbs in November. My last weigh-in that I recorded on my own was 183 lbs in mid-December. That was my lowest in a very long time. 

So, what am I weighing in at today? I'm weighing in at a shocking and embarrassing 230 lbs. It's is as close to my highest weight I want to get. I'm very disappointed in myself that I stopped weighing every week. I stopped exercising. I stopped caring about myself. That's why I am shaking myself out of this obliviousness and getting back on track.

What happened you may ask? Well, it was a hurricane of a lot of things. Since January I have gone through a horrible and humiliating break-up, moved into a new apartment, diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, began taking prescription meds, started dating a new man, got a job promotion, been dealing with the illness of a dear friend, among other everyday things.

Life is mostly on track now. I like where I am at and I'm trying to control my anxiety and eating.

I started off slowly by eating better (but not severely strict) and walking to work most days (about 35 minutes). That lasted about a week or more. Then, last week, I returned to the gym and still starting off slowly with 30 mins of cardio. I will work my way up to 1 hour. I have been on track with my calories for the last 4 days using the app and website LoseIt. Also trying to drink lots of water and green tea.

I do not have a scale at the moment as it was lost in the move. I plan to get one tonight. I am a person who can not be without a scale or go long stretches without weighing. I realize this now. I let myself get out of control.

Thanks to those of you who are still around to give me encouragement. I really appreciate your kind words and know that you know my pain of yo-yoing.

Here I am. Getting back on the horse. Wish me luck!